- “The problem is your fear of commitment.” In that ploy, Vixen pathologized David’s decision, which invoked in him a sense of insecurity and guilt. In fact, as David and I discussed things, it became clear that his not wanting to marry had nothing to do with “fear of commitment.” He had committed to many projects and people in his life. David was reluctant to marry because he knew it offered little benefit but, in a divorce, under California law, he’d likely be taken to the cleaners, forced to support an ex-wife for years.
- “You’re unwilling to progress.” Why is it progress to get a piece of paper (marriage certificate) that greatly increases your chances of impoverishment if you break up. But David, who is a pleaser by nature, felt guilty that he was “unwilling to progress.”
Vixen took that ploy right out of liberals’ playbook: Liberals converted the term “liberal” to “progressive,” knowing that the term “liberal” implied big-spending, but who could be against progress? Would anyone prefer to be a regressive? Vixen’s ploy made David feel guilty that he was being against progress.
- “You’re just not willing to plan for the future.” In what way does have a marriage certificate increase your ability to plan for the future?” But again, those accusations can make a guy who was moderately insecure to begin with, feel the need to cave.
And cave he did–with a $40,000 wedding. And while David is not unhappily married, if, at some point, he joins the 58% of married couples who divorce, he’ll be having to support the woman he divorced for years to come.
Dear readers, I’m not against marriage. Indeed, I’ve been married to my wife for over 30 years and don’t regret it. My daughter is happily married (and now pregnant for the first time.) But marriage should be a decision made with open eyes, not one coerced by manipulative ploys.
1 Response
She considers commitment to be of the VERY GREATEST importance. It has to be TOTAL and for ALL TIME.
She is always willing and eager to commit and ‘intuitively’ ‘knows’ that it doesn’t come naturally but takes practice. It has to be done over and over.
She thinks about it every day, practicing in her mind. She ‘knows’ that she can do it after having committed the fifth or sixth time and she ‘checks’’ again and again.
Each new commitment needs the old one to be junked. Of course.
He has ‘difficulty’ committing. It doesn’t matter that everyone tells him that he is ‘commitment phobic’, he still delays and delays. He is obtuse.
To him it’s a one- off thing. He thinks about it only once, usually, but deeply, continually and for some time, usually too long, not understanding it’s importance to her that he does it right NOW.
To him he is committing himself to her. For all time. It is as Jung said, an Architypal vow. She says the same. Of course. She’s a ‘communicator’.
In addition to her he commits to the mortgage, car payments, the children and all their needs (and a huge amount of ‘stuff’ they don’t need) and schooling and health costs for at least 18 years. And her cosmetic supplies and hair-dos. And the ‘sales’ she needs to attend and the ‘lifestyle’ she can manage to lever up to.
She commits ‘herself’.
She initiates 73% of divorces. She can do this easily as the only commitment she breaks is to HIM personally. She is still committed to him paying the mortgage, school fees, health costs, hair-do, sales etc. Well”, she says, “I keep most of my commitments and so should he”.
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry, and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem entitled ” All Men Are Just Like Pigs.” Then she will ‘get on with her life’ - that he continues to pay for.
He won’t see the children unless he buys their time - from her.
A man has a little more trouble letting go.
Posted on August 18th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Add A Comment