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“We tend to idealize mothers when it comes to sex in that fathers are more likely to be portrayed as being unfaithful and being promiscuous. In reality, though, women in our country are almost as likely as men to commit adultery and are more likely to leave a marriage because they have fallen in love with someone else.”– Dr. Linda Nielsen, President of the American Coalition for Fathers & Children

ACFC President Dr. Linda Nielsen, author of the book Embracing Your Father, wrote an academic paper for the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage called Disenfranchising, Demeaning, and Demoralizing Divorced Dads : A Review of the literature several years ago. One of the paper’s most interesting sections is about idealizing mothers and motherhood–to the detriment of fathers.

It is excerpted below. Nielsen has many citations to support her arguments–I have removed them but they can be found on page 5 of her paper.

Idealizing Mothers and Motherhood, to the Detriment of Fathers
Dr. Linda Nielsen

Another way of demoralizing fathers is by representing motherhood in overly idealized ways. For example, mothers are often portrayed as the more virtuous, honest, unselfish, and self-sacrificing parent. And motherhood itself is typically presented as the most perfect, the most intense, and the most ideal love that any adult can have for a child.

Then too, we tend to idealize mothers when it comes to sex in that fathers are more likely to be portrayed as being unfaithful and being promiscuous. In reality, though, women in our country are almost as likely as men to commit adultery and are more likely to leave a marriage because they have fallen in love with someone else.

Many of us also seem to be the most forgiving and most understanding when it is the woman who commits adultery. That is, when a mother commits adultery, we are more likely to tell ourselves that she “couldn’t help it” because she was so lonely or so misunderstood by her husband.

Not surprisingly then, too many children wrongly believe that it was their father, not their mother, who caused the divorce by being unfaithful or by falling in love with someone else. And sadly it seems that too many children end up with little or no relationship with their father after divorce partly because they have such idealistic notions about mothers and motherhood.

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