BlogWonks

The lamestream media told you:

Scientists at UCLA have announced creating a spongelike crystal that can absorb carbon dioxide, the human-produced gas the creates global warming. The crystals, “could capture CO2 from coal-fired power plants, factories and other industrial sources,” according to a quote from a scientist in unidentified “wire service” reports.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Who would manufacture and where the world would store billions of tons of spongelike crystals loaded with purportedly extinction-level dangerous CO2 was unreported. What could cause the crystals to release the stored CO2 was unreported, though UCLA claims the crystals are “chemically robust” and “stable.” How much CO2 is generated in making the crystals was unknown at press time.

“Even the lightest crystals in the world, which are solids, are many times heavier than an equal amount of CO2, which is a gas,” said a source close to the Uninvited Ombudsman. “However much CO2 you capture, you would therefore increase the amount of material you have to deal with,” she said. The crystals include cobalt (4x heavier than carbon) and zinc (5x heavier).

“Maybe we could use the crystals to capture just part of the world’s CO2, and reduce that dilemma,” opined an unidentified reporter, “but it is a lot of cobalt and zinc to mine, just to throw away,” he said.

For perspective, the world shipping industry generates 1.12 billion tons of CO2 yearly according to the BBC. That’s only 3.5% of the human amount — and the human amount is only one-half a percent of the global amount (the rest comes from oceans, decaying matter and volcanoes not subject to proposed carbon taxes).

The link between global CO2, of which 99.5% is produced without human help, and climate change (the new name for global whining), remains unclear. The effect on commodities markets of discarding billions of tons of cobalt and zinc, or if such a waste stream is sustainable, was unannounced by scientists, often considered some of the smartest people on the planet.

In other news, 500 accredited scientists, derided as a “cadre of critics” and “high-profile skeptics” by “wire service reports,” met in New York in early March to report that the planet has been cooling for the past decade, and that recent climate changes are the result of natural causes. The news got tiny blurbs hidden in most major papers.

Meanwhile, all major presidential candidates are boasting of gigantic plans to attack global whining, believing it is a vote getter.