Korwin’s new superhero idol, Counterintuitive Man, says:
Yes — Felony convictions are good — no?
Many of our greatest idols have them — James Brown, Mike Tyson, G. Gordon Liddy, Billy the Kid, Martha Stewart, Jesse James, Robert Downey Jr., Mark Fuhrman, 17 Congressmen in recent years, 13 of them Democrats, Frank Abagnale (lookitup), many more!
Once convicted, you can just continue your behavior as long as you’re not caught again!
Congress even gives its members a full pension after they get their felony!
Congressman Shadegg has introduced a felon pension ban every year, but Congress scoffs at him and ignores it, to help perpetuate felonies! They’re Congress, they must know what they’re doing!
How else could we prevent one black man out of seven from voting, if not for felonies?
Felony threats help keep gun dealers in line!
The threat of a felony helps keep everyone in line!
Felonies give legislators great new ideas for new laws every session!
Courts would be out of business if it wasn’t for hundreds of thousands of felonies committed a year!
So would bail bondsmen, truckloads of attorneys and most police!
Why, government itself would have much less to do if it weren’t for making up and enforcing felonies!
And gangs would have little to bond them together if it wasn’t for felonies!
Many felonies don’t even harm anyone, like owning a smoking pipe or prohibited plants, arranging for sex, skipping some taxes, missing deadlines, or making paperwork mistakes!
Yes — felonies serve a valuable societal purpose we all want — no?
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